Im the Bitch with the Flower in her Fucking Hair (sxequeen13) wrote,
Im the Bitch with the Flower in her Fucking Hair
sxequeen13

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i cannot cry for what i dont have,because i have done nothing to get the one thing that gives me joy

today was a day just like all the others, i woke up after only getting about 3 hours of sleep....i woke up and for the first time i wished that my life was different, that i knew everything in the world, even the things that would hurt more then anything in the world, i felt my life slip before my fingers and i saw life through a new set of eyes, i saw what my life had become, what my mind had become, and what i never wanted to be when i grow up. I sat by myself, and i wrote, im not sure what it is at this point all i know that it holds the key to my soul, and through it all it shows all that i feel, and all that i see. I holds the key to what i have become, from the child that could go through life without a care in the world to a girl that cannot go on living the life that shes had for the past 19 years. Most of what i wrote dont make sense, but if its like most of the things that i write, then a few months time, it will all be as clear to me as the brightest of days underneath the brightest of skys lit by the rays of the sun, and all will make sense and this feeling of despare will not exist and i will once again find clarity in life, but most of all i will find it in me. All day today i have been walking as if my soul had gone for a walk in the mist of my sleep, and lost its way home. i feel as if something is missing, something that i had before....but now there is this void that i feel....and i must do everything in my power to get it back, to make me feel whole again, to make me feel as if, i am me again...I guess it all began when i woke up the other day, and it hit me, i am not as well put together as everyone thinks that i am, as i used to think, i know that i need things in my life, not material things but things to fill my soul, i only wish that i knew where to find them...and with that being said i will share the last dream that i had, and it woke up so afraid to go back to sleep because i feared that if i did, i dont think that would have woken up....i saw myself in a forest walking with behind someone, i have yet to know who i am talking about, i was walking and talking, then all of a sudden they got sucked into the ground, i tried to run as fast as i could to help them, to help them come back to me, i sat near the ground crying to get them back, and i began to dig into the soil, as fast as i could and hard as i could, but i got nothing, then all of a sudden i began to cry. the place went black i out af all of this i saw a group of bright rays that were being lit before me, i looked up saw nothing but light, the entire forest as black as night, all except this area that seemed as if nothing could hurt it or tarnish it...it was clear, and as i looked into it, it seemed to stop my tear, and began to fill me with fear, i saw my life for what it was, and saw all my friends living without me...i saw life perfect, without me...i saw people dying, and people in pain, i saw children lost, and i saw war, i saw the world in all its beauty, and all its horrible states, for some reason that was the most frightening thing that i have ever seen, and i woke up in a panic...i have yet to figure out what all that meant...but to be honest, im so afraid to find out...
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